Osgood's Arts December 3, 2001
Toast, Poetry, and News
"Do you like butter on your toast?
Many folks do, if not most.
Unless they're on some kind of diet,
That's the way they tend to try it."

So begins the poem, "The Toast of Malcolm Scroud" — an entertaining rhyme that tells the true story of the unfortunate Mr. Scroud, who was arrested after refusing to pay for his toast at a Denny's restaurant in Oregon. Scroud sued the restaurant and his case ultimately made its way to the Oregon Supreme Court, making toast the unlikely subject of legal wrangling. Journalist Charles Osgood heard the saga and was inspired to write a poem about it.

This penchant for reporting in poetry instead of prose is what sets Charles Osgood apart from other journalists. "The news of the day is so goofy at times, it just seems to fit into couplets and rhymes," he says. "The Toast of Malcolm Scroud" does qualify as a goofy story, and it has become one of the most popular pieces of Osgood's poetry. Osgood usually addresses less serious news through poetry in an effort to enlighten and entertain his audience. He hopes that his poems provide a different perspective — and perhaps some clarity — for the public. Often, he says, journalists "assume too much, that the audience knows what we're talking about. It's not easy. You want them to understand and whatever makes them understand better is what you should do."

Osgood makes his living from journalism, and he has gained something of a news celebrity status. You won't find him anchoring a network primetime newscast (although he has in the past), but he can be seen every Sunday morning presenting the CBS News Sunday Morning program. This particular news program is different from others because of its dedication to the arts, its uplifting stories, and the appeal of its anchor. "We are broadcasting for the head and for the heart, for the mind and the soul," Osgood says. "Instead of looking for evil deeds and villains, we take the other view and try to look for… good people doing good work." He goes on to point out that journalism should not just shock and exploit. "In order to be a good journalist," he explains, "you do not have to have your fangs bared."

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The Toast of Malcolm Scroud (print version)

Man's Greatest Invention
Man's greatest invention is not the TV
Nor is it the radio, it seems to me
It isn't the airplane, it isn't the car
As wonderful as these inventions all are.
It's not the computer or cellular phone
Or any device or machine that is known.
No nuclear weapon of war ever shook
The world like man's greatest invention —
the book.
  — Charles Osgood

Osgood's positive approach to journalism is something that he carries over to his poetry. His rhymes are nimble and upbeat, in the good-humored tradition of Ogden Nash and Dr. Seuss. "Language is music," says Osgood. "It has echoes and resonances and phrases. The right word can have the same effect as a chord change or a rest [pause]." He likens good writing to a song, where both words and phrases should have a musical rhythm.

Notice the rhythm (or "meter") in this, another of Osgood's poems:

"Pretty Good"
There once was a pretty good student,
Who sat in a pretty good class.
And was taught by a pretty good teacher,
Who always let pretty good pass.
He wasn't terrific at reading.
He wasn't a whiz-bang at math,
But for him education was leading
Straight down a pretty good path.
He didn't find school too exciting,
But he wanted to do pretty well,
And he did have some trouble with writing,
And nobody had taught him to spell.
When doing arithmetic problems,
Pretty good was regarded as fine.
Five plus 5 needn't always add up to be 10,
A pretty good answer was 9.

The pretty good class that he sat in,
Was part of a pretty good school.
And the student was not an exception,
On the contrary, he was the rule.
The pretty good school that he went to,
Was there in a pretty good town.
And nobody there seemed to notice
He could not tell a verb from a noun.
The pretty good student in fact was
Part of a pretty good mob.
And the first time he knew what he lacked was
When he looked for a pretty good job.

It was then, when he sought a position,
He discovered that life could be tough.
And he soon had a sneaky suspicion
Pretty good might not be good enough.
The pretty good town in our story
Was part of a pretty good state
Which had pretty good aspirations,
And prayed for a pretty good fate.
There once was a pretty good nation,
Pretty proud of the greatness it had,
Which learned much too late,
If you want to be great,
Pretty good is, in fact, pretty bad.

Osgood's Accolades
Charles Osgood was born in New York on January 8, 1933. He has achieved a considerable amount in his 78 years. He graduated from Fordham University with a B.S. in Economics. He also holds several honorary degrees including a Doctorate from Fordham, a law degree from St. John's University School of Law, and honorary degrees from six additional institutions. The National Father's Day Committee named him Father of the Year in 1985.

You can hear Osgood daily on CBS Radio where he writes The Osgood Files, four commentaries on recent news headlines or stories that he finds interesting. He has won three Emmy Awards and has been inducted into the Broadcasting and Cable Hall of Fame. He has also written five books including one named after his trademark byline, "I'll See You on the Radio."

Writing Your Own Poems
Osgood's story poems are part of a long tradition. The oldest forms of literature involved songs, chants, and ballads that were passed from generation to generation. Telling a story in verse is a blend of poetry and prose: there is action, characters, and dialogue, as well as rhyme and meter. Writing your own story poem will be easier if you understand the art of both rhyming and storytelling.

Rhyming can be handled in many ways, from the simple to the complex. Old and great works often make use of single-syllable rhymes. Here is an example from Robert Frost:

    Pan came out of the woods one day, —
    His skin and his hair and his eyes were gray,
    The gray of the moss of walls were they, —
    And stood in the sun and looked his fill
    At wooded valley and wooded hill.

Multiple-syllable rhymes also work well — such as when you rhyme words like "suspicion" and "position." If you need help finding words that rhyme, you'll get it in the Rhyming Dictionary, part of The Writer's Resource Library.

Your rhymes don't have to be strictly "correct." Sometimes rhyming can mean making up words — something Dr. Seuss excelled at:

    How did it get so late so soon?
    It's night before it's afternoon.
    December is here before it's June.
    My goodness how the time has flewn.
    How did it get so late so soon?

Charles Osgood also uses this device at times. In "The Toast of Malcolm Scroud," he lets the made-up word "offee" describe Scroud's fading appetite. (The word is used to rhyme with "coffee.") There are also times when poets will use "near-rhymes," such as "restaurant" and "elephant."

As you experiment with rhymes, you'll also need to be mindful of the story you wish to tell through your poem. Literature has given us all kinds of stories, from the epic (for example, the story of war in "The Iliad"), to the more parochial (such as building a bonfire in Frost's "The Bonfire.") You could choose a great or small theme, or you might even re-tell an old fable.

More Links
If you're interested in Charles Osgood, you'll find his CBS biography at the CBS News site.

Poems.com serves as a forum for lesser-known contemporary poets.

A classic story poem is "The Raven," by Edgar Allan Poe.

Another classic is "Paul Revere's Ride," by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Read some of Ogden Nash's wonderful poetry online.

During the writing process, it is always good to have focus. Following these pointers should help you with that:

  • Begin by summing up your subject in a couple of sentences. This will help you see how the poem will begin and end.

  • Write a more detailed outline of your story.

  • Make a list of the key words related to your story.

  • Identify the "trigger event" — that is, what will get your story moving.

  • Identify the main conflict scenes — that is, any struggle between opposing forces.

  • Decide upon the climax — that is, what will happen to the major characters.

What advice does Charles Osgood have for budding poets? He suggests that you write a lot and listen to the best and "above all, know what you're writing about."

Poetry can be fun and entertaining. Often misunderstood and rejected by students, poetry that relates to local and interesting events — such as the poetry of Charles Osgood — can help inspire the poet in anyone.

Related Activities
The Writer's Resource Library
Use this demonstration version of the Library to find rhyming words.
The Writing Trek
Write poetry or draft scripts for screen and stage with this Riverdeep CD-ROM.
Perfect Poetry
Be a poet when you take this Riverdeep Xcursion, an online field trip.