Impolite Society

Got Manners?
Cell phone John had just moved into a new neighborhood. His next-door neighbor invited him over for dinner. In the middle of a pleasant meal, John's cell phone rang. Not only did John answer the phone, he talked with his friend for 10 minutes. This was the last time he was invited over. Are technological advances contributing to an increase in rudeness?

Do you get annoyed when you have to listen to people's cell phone conversations? Why or why not?

There are more than 69 million wireless phone users in America today, and the number is only growing.

"We have to accept the reality that these are technological advances that are here to stay," says Peggy Post, a descendent of Emily Post, who became famous in the early part of the twentieth century for her etiquette advice and books. "To counteract this effect, we need to create etiquette guidelines so that people can learn how to use these new technologies appropriately."

Post, who has written five books on etiquette, offers the following cell phone guidelines:

  • Turn your phone ringer to low, off, or vibrate when in a public area.

  • Always speak in a low voice on public transportation.

  • Never use devices in theaters, restaurants, or meetings.

  • Excuse yourself to a private area if you must take or make a call.

  • Read a Time magazine article to find out how Miss Manners feels about cell phones.

Calling All Teenagers

Some teenagers carry their own cell phones. "I find that teens are particularly fond of cell phones," says Michael J. Hurd, Ph.D., the author of Effective Therapy. "Since teens as a group tend to highly value their contact with peers and have always been fond of telephones, it's not surprising they enjoy the added convenience of cell phones. It makes their friends more accessible to them at a time in life when friends are important, and they're usually pulling away from family ties to some degree."

Rude Awakenings
Many people believe that society as a whole is becoming ruder, ranging from mundane bad manners to the more serious misbehavior in schools. To help curb this trend, parents have begun sending their children to etiquette classes. These programs—growing in popularity around the country—teach skills such as:

The Costs of Rudeness

Errors in etiquette can cost us a lot. Sometimes it's a new friend. Sometimes it's a business client. In fact, 80% of business professionals have noticed an increase in rudeness in business. That's according to a recent survey conducted by ETICON, which advises businesses about good and bad etiquette.

More than half of those surveyed said that when they encounter rudeness, they take their business elsewhere—even if that means paying higher prices. The rudest behaviors reported included long, abrupt holds and unreturned phone calls. Politeness can affect the fortunes of a company.

  • Meeting new people

  • Telephone courtesy (particularly the use of call waiting!)

  • Public conduct in places such as malls and movie theaters

  • Table manners (including how to eat difficult foods)

  • Writing thank you notes

  • What would add to or subtract from this list?

Sue Fox, author of Etiquette for Dummies, has even created a manners program for Brownie troops!

But the solution is not just about educating children. Often, we can trace the problem of rude behavior back to adults.

"Children learn by example, so set a good one," says Post. "If you make a cell phone call from a public place, have a reason for doing it—not, 'Honey, what do you want for dinner?' "

"Etiquette is important in human interactions because it is a matter of showing dignity for human nature itself," says Hurd. "Humans are capable of pretty awful things, but they're also capable of beautiful, awe-inspiring things. So showing respect for humans in general is a way of acknowledging this sense of life—a sense of life, I fear, which is on the decline (if popular culture, represented by MTV and Jerry Springer, is any indication)."

"Cell Phonies"
CNN.com columnist Dan Briody identifies two types of cell phone users: those who use their phones only for urgent matters and those he calls "cell phonies." Cell phonies are those who "use their phone more for the people physically in their presence than for the person on the other end of the line. You know the type."

Do you know a "cell phony?" Come up with three adjectives that describe how "cell phonies" make you feel.

The general public is becoming increasingly irritated by cell phone users. A New York City restaurant called Vox 646 has even set up a separate cell phone section (much like a smoking section) so that people can have their conversations without disturbing other diners.

Cell phone use in movie theaters has also led some theater owners to ban their use.

  • How do you feel about the banning of cell phones in public spaces?

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